Starting 2020 with a Growth Mindset

The attitude we adopt can determine what we will accomplish in the new year. As you kick off the new year and reflect on the previous one, consider setting goals for you with the right mindset – that of growth despite what life throws at you.

There are two mindsets that govern our behavior – growth and fixed mindsets which originated from Carol Dweck in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.

Fixed Mindset

Click the link below to find out more about this mindset and its effects.

https://youtu.be/M1CHPnZfFmU

A fixed mindset is when your character, intelligence and abilities are static and if we avoid striving for success or avoid failure we can stay in a ‘safe zone’. On the other hand, a growth mindset thrives on challenge and embraces failure as feedback and an opportunity for growth and stretching our abilities.

Believing In Improvement

The power of believing you can improve – really does make the world of difference to your outlook on life and to yourself. The TED Talk by Carol Dweck highlights the key to moving into a growth mindset is when things seem to be falling short, frame your situation as “not yet”. For instance, “l have not learned that yet” or “we have not figured out the best solution yet”. In changing this phrasing ever so slightly you leave the doors open for opportunity and allow yourself the experience of growth without using restrictive language that shuts these doors for opportunities to enter into your life.      

8 Ways to embrace the growth mindset                       

The great news is that you can choose to shift your mindset once you are more self-aware and make the decision to change.

Here are 8 ways to embrace a growth mindset in 2020:-

1.     Live your life the way you want to be remembered. By establishing your purpose, you will find it easier to connect what inspires you and your ability to stick with your goals;

2.     Invest in learning. Rather than worrying about what you don’t know, see yourself as a blank canvas. Recognize that you are taking steps to move you forward and celebrate the masterpiece you are creating;

3.     Turn rejection into fuel. You are the only person who knows how strong you are. Don’t let rejection stop you from achieving what you want. Use it to propel you forward to create what you want;

4.     Every new year is full of hope and magic. Invest your energy into what really matters to place you in the position of success;

5.     Identify your one hairy scary audacious goal for 2020 and then break it down into smaller ones. Explore what one thing you can do every week to bring you closer to that goal;

6.     Be compassionate with yourself. If you fall behind or make a mistake, pick yourself up and start again. Always remember to be flexible and o simply readjust and start again;

7.     Every day is the perfect day to start something. The sooner you begin, the bigger your chances to succeed; and

8.     There is no destination; self-improvement is a lifetime journey.

MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT A JOKE - Fighting Stigma's and how you can help

This negative stigma in society surrounding Mental Health and those suffering form a mental illness acts as a bar to sufferers from speaking out and seeking help. This stigma comes form a lack of understanding and inaccurate and extravagant portrayals of mental ill people.s.

As you can see from the image on this article, mental illness has been brought to the forefront of our minds again but from the cinematic universe. The recent release of the Joker played by Joaquin Phoenix has brought about many questions relating to mental health and the role society plays.

Joaquin’s acting was amazing and the film is definitely a must see however even though the film highlights how important it is for society to be aware of mental illness and how to help those suffering, the film does depict an unhealthy stereotype of how everyone with a mental illness is “’mad”. It is showing an extreme version of mental health and it is important to remember that not everyone suffering form a mental illness is going to go on to be “the Joker”.  

People with a mental illness are very rarely dangerous especially when receiving appropriate treatment and support.

In Australia in any given year around 1 million Australian adults suffer from depression and over 2 million from anxiety.

October is Mental Health Month which aims to bring awareness to mental illness in our society and how we can help those that are experiencing mental illness. The R U Ok campaign have many recommendations on how we can help those around us and help minimise the stigma on mental health.

FIRST: Are you okay?

This isn’t a question to the person you are wanting to help but to yourself. Firstly, ask this question to yourself before someone else. To be able to help someone you need to be in a good mental state. If you feel you too are struggling maybe it is time you sought some help. If you feel you are okay then ask the person the same question you think is struggling.

SECOND: Listen with an open mind

Listen to what your friend has to say. We know you want to help but being a good listener is key and not being judgmental. It is very hard to open up to someone so take the moment as a privilege and listen to what your friend has to say.

THIRD: Encourage Action

Encourage your friend to seek help. Offer your support and ask them how you can help and if they have thought of seeking help in the past. Maybe they can look to speaking with their GP and being referred to a psychologist. You could also give personal advice on your own experience on how you sought help.

FOURTH: Check in on them

Put a reminder on your phone to check in on them. Send them a message that you’re thinking of them and ask them how they’re going. It is always nice to know that someone cares.

Let’s stop encouraging our friends to just “put on a happy face’’ but to go and seek help. There is no shame in not being okay.  

HOTLINES

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636

Headspace: 1800 650 890

Mensline Australia: 1300 78 99 78

Turn the Gas Light off! The Married at First Sight examples of gaslighting and abusive relationships!

It seems like everyone in Australia is currently watching Married at First Sight #MAFS. It may seem extremely scripted at times but nonetheless it appears to have the nation gripped! However, are there actually important messages that we can find hidden in this ding-a-ling of a show? One major issue that has come to our attention is the constant Gaslighting between the couples Elizabeth and Sam and Mike and Heidi.

What is ‘’gaslighting’?

Gaslighting is a term used to describe a form of emotional abuse that sees someone trying to manipulate and belittle another person by making them question their perceptions of events, feelings and their view on reality. The term was actually coined based on the play Gas Light in the 1930’s. The play is about a man who manipulates his wife into thinking she is out of touch with reality hoping she will end up in a mental institution and he will gain her inheritance. Granted, this is a very extreme scenario however gaslighting is a form of abuse and can very easily spiral out of control.   

There are three examples of gaslighting in Married at First Sight that highlight emotional abuse.

Diverting

Diverting is one sign of gaslighting in a relationship and can be seen in the relationship between Sam and Elizabeth. Sam turned his cheating scandal back on Elizabeth frequently telling her she had ‘lost her mind’’ and that she was doing something she insists she wasn’t. By the end of these berating comments Elizabeth is very stressed and begins to question her memory of the situation based on the negative and berating comments made by her husband. Sam is diverting the blame onto Elizabeth by making her question her reality which is a key feature of gaslighting. This belittles one’s partner, creating a power balance in a relationship and is a form of emotional abuse.

Trivializing and Questioning Ones self

The next two examples of gaslighting are trivialising one’s feelings and making you question your perceptions of events. This is seen in the relationship between Heidi and Mike. Mike has trivialized Heidi’s feelings on numerous occasions. One scenario saw Heidi upset as Mike went against their promise to have a discussion with another contestant together. Heidi felt she was alone however Mike made it seem like it was all in her head and that she was over reacting. This was further done when she tried to tell him a story from her childhood which he told her to hurry up as it wasn’t very interesting. Mike’s actions do not allow for validation of Heidi’s feelings and trivialize her lived experiences by putting them down and questioning their validity in a condescending manner which in turn breeds an environment for a toxic relationship.

What are the effects of gaslighting?

The effects of gaslighting can range but nonetheless can be very belittling and is a form of abuse. For those that are a people pleaser or do not have a lot of self-confidence, having a partner who gaslights them constantly can lead to a very one sided and controlling relationship. As you begin to compromise and question your own feelings for your partners, this can create a great power imbalance in your relationship.

It is important to be aware of these signs of gaslighting in your relationship and we hope this article has helped you understand the many forms abuse can take! Despite MAFS being a wild and crazy TV show, remember to hold a zero tolerance to abuse and if you feel you are in a toxic relationship to seek help.